Tag Archives: Iraq

Mission Accomplished in Iraq — No Really

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So George Bush visited the Iraqi Prime Minister today. In Baghdad.

That’s right. The President of the United States went to Baghdad, Iraq. Imagine the reception!?

Iraqis lined the streets… little flags waved enthusiastically by every man, woman and child for miles around. Yes folks. The Leader of the liberators… those bringers of freedom and justice… purveyor of hope and dreams… champion of good… fighter of evil.

(can you hear the trumpets blaring?)

——————–

Oh wait.. sorry… In reality, George Bush was “supposed” to be going to Camp David.

No one except Condi and Dick knew he was headed to Baghdad.

The Iraqi Prime Minister himself only found out 5 minutes before good ‘ol Dubya walked in the door.

Air Force One had to take “standard” emergency maneuvers when landing, and leaving (under cover of night).

——————–
Do we need to hear any more rhetoric?
Do we need to listen to any more speeches?

No… actions always speak louder than words.

Cakewalk to Baghdad

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From the guys who gave you… I-Feel-Like-I’m-Fixin’-to-Die back in 1967.

We now get Cakewalk to Baghdad. Lyrics here.

If this chorus doesn’t get stuck in your head for the rest of the day….

Next we’re gonna cakewalk into Teheran,
Gonna cakewalk to Damascus and Pyong-yin-yang
When we strut on in,
Everybody’s gonna cheer
They’ll be wavin’ old glory,
We’ll have kegs of beer, just like that…

….

Do you think we’ll see those Bush boys patrollin’ the streets
Like our soldiers got to do in Basram and Tikrit?
We gonna see Richard Perle cakewakin’ ’round
The streets and alleys of Baghdad town?

Cakewalk to Baghdad,
Cakewalk to Baghdad

Easy to cakewalk in … not so easy to cakewalk out.

And to snap you back into reality:

Iraqis attack British troops after Helicopter crash

Delta Force founder calls Iraq “Utter Debacle”

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(emphasis added)

Q: What’s your assessment of the war in Iraq?

A: Utter debacle. … (Army Gen.) Tommy Franks was brow-beaten … That’s why he retired immediately afterward.
We have fomented civil war in Iraq. We have probably fomented internecine war in the Muslim world between the Shias and the Sunnis, and I think Bush may well have started the third world war, all for their own personal policies.

Q: What is the cost to our country?

A: For the first thing, our credibility is utterly zero. So we destroyed whatever credibility we had. … And I say “we,” because the American public went along with this. They voted for a second Bush administration out of fear, so fear is what they’re going to have from now on.

Go Ahead and read the rest of what this retired Sergeant Major of Delta Force has to say. (he participated in the failed Iran hostage rescue in 1980)

Political Masturbation through War Fighting

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A plausible conversation at the White House… a couple weeks ago:

(warning course language)

Just another day at the White House:

US General in Iraq via VideoPhone: Mr. President, sir, our troops seem to be sitting around a lot lately.

Bush: Our troops are the best in the world.

US General: Sir, Yes Sir. But we’re doing Dick all.

Rumsfeld: Sorry?

US General: Sir, Yes Sir. We have not engaged Terrorists on a significant level for quite some time sir. We need another Fallujah to break some ground.

Bush: What about where that Church got blown up a while back? There must be a crap load of terrorists there if they blew up the church!

US General: Yes Mr. President, we do believe there is an insurgent presence there. But we have no US Intelligence assets there indicating a large concentration.

Rumsfeld: Hey, what about the Iraqis! They might know something.

US General: Sir, Yes sir, However we are not comfortable with their level of objectivity, sir. They f*&ing hate each other, sir.

Bush: Are there terrorists in the city or not General.

US General: Sir, Yes most likely there are sir.

Bush: Well shit, then lets get in there and flush’em out! Maybe Zarquawi is in there. Use some Iraqi forces too. I want to see Iraqis killing those terrorists!

US General: Sir, Yes sir.

Rumsfeld: And make sure you tell the Media. Send in the Marines. This will be the biggest operation since the invasion! The Terrorists won’t see it coming! Make sure you tell the Media that!

US General: Sir, Yes sir… should we attempt to apprehend any suspects in the murder of that famous Iraqi journalist?

Bush: Didn’t she work for Al Jazeera? I thought we shut those terrorist loving bastards down?

Rumsfeld: Sure go for it General. Might make a nice story. I want to see results General. I want these insurgents to know they don’t run the country. WE DO.

General: Sir. Yes Sir! Thank you Mr. President.

A plausible thought process, afterwards… courtesy, George W. Bush

Fuck, This whole fucking operation has gone to shit. Man. I’m depressed.

I need some potato chips.

Fuck, what am I gonna do. All I wanted to do was help these fucking Iraqis.

Geezus now they’re all killing each other. Fuck. It must be that fucking Bin Laden and Zarquawi. Why can’t I fucking find them.

I need to sit down…

Fuck, we look like fuckin’ morons in Iraq. Iran has more fucking influence than we do. Fucking nutbars and their nukes. This operation should help. It better fucking help. Or we’re fuckin’ screwed. Fucking iraqis will think we’re idiots if this doesn’t turn anything up.

I love those bloody marines though, they’re fucking incredible. Can do anything.

1500 troops… (Ooo.)

Apache (mmmm) helicopters, (*hmprf*)

Iraqi forces too… (mmmm ya they work it.)

All those gunships! Wonder if they’ll use some Blackhawks (Ohh! Mmm.. fuck)

Man.. if we could get Zarquawi… (mmm, ohh, mmmm oohhh ya)

Fuck. Ya that made me feel better.

Iraq: US sits Idly by as Green Zone plot Foiled

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It seems Iraq really is teetering on the cliff of oblivion. It appears as though yesterday they dodged another major bullet.

Minister of Interior Bayan Jabr announced that a plot had been foiled to place hundreds of Sunni Arab troops actually loyal to the insurgency in position at the Green Zone and then to have them rush embassy offices and take diplomatic hostages.
There have been rumors for weeks that the Sunni Arab guerrillas were preparing to “rise up” and take the capital. This was probably the plan to which the rumor mongers were referring.

Still believe Mr. Bush when he tells us that the Iraqi Army is “standing up” ready to protect Iraq? Well, it may be, just not in the fashion Mr. Bush may think.

And what have the American forces in Baghdad been doing to prevent this sort of “sectarian violence” (cause you know, it’s NOT a civil war…).

Not much,

The column of cars was passing through the town of Hassuwa when the cracks of gunfire erupted: sniping between followers of one of Iraq’s most important Sunni clerics and the Shiite policemen who were escorting Bahjat’s funeral convoy.

Those first bullets drew more bullets, and soon the air was crackling.

Dogs yelped in fear. From the minarets of the town’s mosques, the town muezzins called for jihad. A convoy of U.S. military Humvees rolled by midway through the battle. The soldiers kept going, leaving the Iraqis to fight among themselves.

“Please call the interior minister and tell him that our convoy with Atwar Bahjat has been attacked,” Iraqi journalist Fatah Sheik barked into his cellphone, crouching close to the ground. “Can’t you hear the shooting? Please tell the minister.”

The violence was captured in excruciating detail by Al Arabiya cameramen.

What exactly is the purpose of the US Military in Iraq? Do they even know anymore? If they aren’t there to “make peace” then what? They’re obviously not “policing” anything, though they do seem to arrest a number of folks. What, or who are they protecting if they aren’t protecting the Iraqi people?

Apparently today we’re going to hear the United States reiterate it’s position that preemptive action is warranted when there is a “perceived” threat.
It says,

“If necessary, however, under long-standing principles of self-defence, we do not rule out use of force before attacks occur, even if uncertainty remains as to the time and place of the enemy’s attack,”

Why? Because Iraq is such a shining example of that being successful? Come on. Even the Bush administration must recognize their own folly. Or perhaps not.

Maybe the US *should* stay in Iraq indefinitely. At least that way their resources will be so tied up and their bank accounts so drained that they simply won’t be able to launch a pre-emptive attack on any other (likely neighbouring) country.